hi, i'm scared people will find this
(as a side note, this is not the final version of this site that i will stick with and is defo not mobile friendly, bare with me as i'm only just getting back into HTML and dont know much!!!!!!)
(as a side note, this is not the final version of this site that i will stick with and is defo not mobile friendly, bare with me as i'm only just getting back into HTML and dont know much!!!!!!)
14/01/2021
hi, i'm still working on renovating this whole site. I'm stuck in school so apart from this, learning russian and discord , i don't have much to do. I think i'd decided I want to take medication, and tonight i'm going to tell
my counsellor about it. Idk what will happen, but i have a long mental list of stuff i need to talk about. i feel like my mental health is getting worse but also better because i recognise where i need to improve, but i don't know how. it's worse that i'm super impatient, and it sucks that i've spent the last 2/3 years always worrying about my wellbeing, and it's slow decline. just as i feel as i get better, it gets worse. though, i've started using this de-stress essential oil before bed and it's been working so far. idk man, i just wanna get better, no matter what.
05/01/2021
Hi, so merry christmas, happy yule, and happy new year!! quick update : my parents split up, but i got a boyfriend!! and i keep having breakdowns as well as experiecning what i can only describe as depersonalisation- wherei basically don't feel like myself and am almost like an actor in my own body. it's pretty scary. I think i should be on medication for my mental health, as it feels like it's getting worse, and my counselling isn't helping it. In good news, my GCSEs have been cancelled!!! so I don't have to do my exams :>. and, i've applied for sixth form- i'm taking Art, Psychology, Philosophy and English Language. I'm so excited to start!!! even though i have like,,, 8 months :/ i'm still really excited though :>
16/11/2020
Hey, i'm not dead, i think. my parents basically took away all my technology for the summer, and it sucked. summer was awful. and now im back at school and it's awful. today is the second time i've had a huge panic attack before school and i've had to stay home and do work at home. it sucks. it truly sucks. Idk what to do at the moment because the breakdowns just come out of no where and it takes an hour or two for me to calm down. updates will be slow, but i don't want to abandon this.
21/07/2020
I can't really remember much of what happened yesterday or sunday, but my mum let me have TikTok on my phone so i guess that was an improvement! also sorry if i misspell anything- today,i spent at julie's doing a painting based of jazmin bean. here's the reference pic i used:
this is them :D. I think their style is so cool, but i'd never be able to pull something like that off. Maybe one day i could upload a pic of the painting once it's finished. also julie said i can come to her studio all this week, so that's what i'm going to do! (hopefully). then i got home and just spent some more time on the website, which tbh is very relaxing, and is a nice distraction for a short while.
18/07/2020
Yesterday was my last day in year 10, so now I'm officially in year 11! which means i'm in my last year of secondry school, and i have my GCSEs this year, and i'm NOT looking forward to them. but yesterday i just watched rupauls drag race all day, which was cool. (i watched season 12 btw). today i went to my job, which is at an art class. basically, i'm an assistant at a this lady's (imma call her Julie) art class. Julie is so kind and i've known her since i was 9, and now i'm 15. my job gives me a little escape, as i love art and no one has to know about all my problems- i can be myself more than usual. i'm the oldest there (apart from julie) but i don't mind. i never would have seen myself working at an children's art class, but here we are. and, because it's the summer holidays, julie asked me if i wanted to come in during the week to help out more, which let's be honest, i have nothing better to do! i cant wait :)
16/07/2020
The day after my 15th birthday.
For some context, the day before (14th July) i went out to meet this girl from another school and didn't tell my parents, and then didn't meet curfew. My Parents now don't trust me and i'm not allowed any social media on my phone. but i can access it from my laptop, so this is basically my only way of accessing the internet.
I've been crying a lot recently and just breaking down, i'm in a lot of mental pain rn. but i'm getting a new counsellor soon, so hopefully she'll make it better.
14/01/2021
hi, i'm still working on renovating this whole site. I'm stuck in school so apart from this, learning russian and discord , i don't have much to do. I think i'd decided I want to take medication, and tonight i'm going to tell my counsellor about it. Idk what will happen, but i have a long mental list of stuff i need to talk about. i feel like my mental health is getting worse but also better because i recognise where i need to improve, but i don't know how. it's worse that i'm super impatient, and it sucks that i've spent the last 2/3 years always worrying about my wellbeing, and it's slow decline. just as i feel as i get better, it gets worse. though, i've started using this de-stress essential oil before bed and it's been working so far. idk man, i just wanna get better, no matter what.
05/01/2021
Hi, so merry christmas, happy yule, and happy new year!! quick update : my parents split up, but i got a boyfriend!! and i keep having breakdowns as well as experiecning what i can only describe as depersonalisation- wherei basically don't feel like myself and am almost like an actor in my own body. it's pretty scary. I think i should be on medication for my mental health, as it feels like it's getting worse, and my counselling isn't helping it. In good news, my GCSEs have been cancelled!!! so I don't have to do my exams :>. and, i've applied for sixth form- i'm taking Art, Psychology, Philosophy and English Language. I'm so excited to start!!! even though i have like,,, 8 months :/ i'm still really excited though :>
16/11/2020
Hey, i'm not dead, i think. my parents basically took away all my technology for the summer, and it sucked. summer was awful. and now im back at school and it's awful. today is the second time i've had a huge panic attack before school and i've had to stay home and do work at home. it sucks. it truly sucks. Idk what to do at the moment because the breakdowns just come out of no where and it takes an hour or two for me to calm down. updates will be slow, but i don't want to abandon this.
21/07/2020
I can't really remember much of what happened yesterday or sunday, but my mum let me have TikTok on my phone so i guess that was an improvement! also sorry if i misspell anything- today,i spent at julie's doing a painting based of jazmin bean. here's the reference pic i used:
this is them :D. I think their style is so cool, but i'd never be able to pull something like that off. Maybe one day i could upload a pic of the painting once it's finished. also julie said i can come to her studio all this week, so that's what i'm going to do! (hopefully). then i got home and just spent some more time on the website, which tbh is very relaxing, and is a nice distraction for a short while.
18/07/2020
Yesterday was my last day in year 10, so now I'm officially in year 11! which means i'm in my last year of secondry school, and i have my GCSEs this year, and i'm NOT looking forward to them. but yesterday i just watched rupauls drag race all day, which was cool. (i watched season 12 btw). today i went to my job, which is at an art class. basically, i'm an assistant at a this lady's (imma call her Julie) art class. Julie is so kind and i've known her since i was 9, and now i'm 15. my job gives me a little escape, as i love art and no one has to know about all my problems- i can be myself more than usual. i'm the oldest there (apart from julie) but i don't mind. i never would have seen myself working at an children's art class, but here we are. and, because it's the summer holidays, julie asked me if i wanted to come in during the week to help out more, which let's be honest, i have nothing better to do! i cant wait :)
16/07/2020
The day after my 15th birthday. For some context, the day before (14th July) i went out to meet this girl from another school and didn't tell my parents, and then didn't meet curfew. My Parents now don't trust me and i'm not allowed any social media on my phone. but i can access it from my laptop, so this is basically my only way of accessing the internet. I've been crying a lot recently and just breaking down, i'm in a lot of mental pain rn. but i'm getting a new counsellor soon, so hopefully she'll make it better.
